It’s been a year since I came back to this website, it was about then that I took it down. Ya know, I started this site in 2019 as my outlet for some bad stuff that I was going through, the stuff that I just couldn’t get past. The cheating, the lies, the heartbreak. The texts that I kept seeing over and over in my head even though things we’re great between us and so many years had already passed. I wanted to use what I went through to help others going through the same stuff. There is a lot of crap out there all written by people with degrees that learned everything from books instead of experience and I wanted to be that real life voice but life got in the way.
Now fast forward to 2022 and life is still in the way. So my question is when do you start living for you? When do you just stop letting everyone else control your life? I’m grown, an adult, the kids have all finished high school and should be getting on with their lives. Don’t get me wrong, I believe once you have kids you are a parent for the rest of your life. I love my kids, they are my heart but I am tired of the constant need for mothering. I am tired of always having to stop what I want to do because someone else expects something done. It’s actually exhausting.
If the above wasn’t bad enough, I always have this feeling of things that I am “suppose” to be doing, ie: the laundry, the dishes, cooking, cleaning, the list goes on and on. I get it, it’s 2022, the woman shouldn’t have to do it all and don’t get me wrong, my hubby is great, he cooks, does dishes, helps clean up without having to be asked. But I still always feel like I shouldn’t be sitting around “playing” on my phone or laptop.
SO WHAT’S A GIRL TO DO?
Now the question is, what am I to do? I want to be a blogger, I want to work for myself and turn this into a career helping others. But at the same time I feel pulled into doing stuff for everyone else. I don’t work outside of the house, which is a story all in itself that maybe I will share one day, but because of this everyone expects me to be at their beck and call.
Do you know what it’s like to be in the middle of doing something and then bam, someone is calling with an “emergency” and your expected to drop everything. And god forbid if you say your busy, you get the 3rd degree because what could you possibly be doing since you don’t work. When I say “emergency”, trust me it’s their idea of an emergency which is usually just cleaning up their mess once again.
THE YEAR OF CHANGE
2020 was suppose to be my year, the year of change. Guess what happened in 2020? A freakin pandemic, that’s what happened. How can that be the year you decide that you are finally going to make changes? Changes were made alright but not the ones I planned. Our youngest finished school from her bed and had a drive thru graduation. The hubby started working from home after everything was shut down. Me, well I had to deal with everyone being home and had to learn to live in silence because school and meetings were going on all day in our small house.
This was not a year of positive change. It was the year of seeing how strong your marriage really is. A year to stay locked up together without driving each other completely mad. 2020 was a test for many and I’m sure there were a lot that failed the test. Luckily our marriage thrived, we managed to make the most of it, even enjoy most of it despite the silence from 8-5.
Sadly I did not achieve what I had planned, the blog didn’t make it off the ground because I just couldn’t stay focused enough or find my me time. So 2021 was my next goal.
2021
The year that just passed sadly was just as crazy as 2020 was. Pandemic is still raging through the winter and beginning of spring. Summer is starting to look up. Masks are off, concerts are back mid summer and we can start having a bit of normalcy. Sadly youngest still has to attend college classes via zoom meetings and hubby is still working from home on and off. This means, you guessed it more silence and not having time for me because everyone is under foot.
I’m still going to try to do me. I’ll take some blogging courses and just figure out how this whole blogging world works. I’ll squeeze it in somewhere when no one needs something from me. I got to at least try right? Wrong! This is where the guilt and worry set in. Am I giving the hubby what he needs to feel fulfilled? It feels like he’s pulling away again. Have I gotten what needs to be done done? Is everyone’s “love tank” filled and do they have clean underwear? Is there resentment because he thinks I’m just playing on my phone all day (there is). These are the things I worry about all day and why I haven’t got to just do me.
AND NOW?
That brings us to today. It is the first week in January, 2022. I decided to hop back on to my little piece of cyberspace and write. My outlet is still needed for so many reasons but I believe that my little bit of knowledge just may be needed more than me just needing an outlet. I’m a helper by nature, this is why living for me will never truly just be living for me.
This year I’m going to start choosing me though by doing things that make me happy. I’m going to finally put my foot down and say no when I don’t want to do something or when I’m busy or in the middle of doing something. 2022 is the year I figure this blogging thing out and make it my career, something I can be proud of. At the very least this is my goal. Those blogging classes and marketing classes are going to be finished, and I’m going to try to get this thing up and running. Pandemic isn’t going anywhere any time soon, and everyone is still home but that is not stopping me this year or so I hope.
SO WHEN DO YOU START LIVING FOR YOU?
For me, the answer is today. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone so if it’s going to happen it has to happen today. It’s time to do things that make you happy. Yes, everyone has responsibilities but that doesn’t mean that you can’t start living for you. You are the only one that can make yourself truly happy. So if you don’t start doing that today you have no one else to blame for unhappiness but yourself.
Start living for you. Do things that make you happy, live life to the fullest and just be. That is my plan for 2022. To continue what I started in 2019, this blog, good stories, helpful advise and making new friends along the way. To say no without feeling guilty just because I don’t have a “job”. I’m going to “play” on my phone or laptop doing the research that needs to be done to accomplish my goals. But the most important thing is to welcome you all back to your everyday girl. Let’s start 2022 together and live our happy lives ❤️
